Drunken Interview with a Vampire

On a hot, humid, July night Jason and I found ourselves in New Orleans faced with a dilemma of epic proportions. The problem? Jason wanted to drink and I wanted to go find a vampire (Or at least someone who thought they were.) After a bit of haggling I found a solution. We'd go vampire hunting at a bar. Since I'd heard that "The Dungeon" was a favorite spot for the children of the night we headed there. But on arriving we found out the place didn't open till 11 pm so we hung out at another bar drinking until just about the witching hour. Finally we got into vampire central and I wasn't disappointed since it looked like every extra from a Bauhaus video had set up shop in the place.

As Jason got us two new rum and cokes at the bar I asked around if any of these black clad Goths were vampires and if they wanted to be interviewed. Sure I got a lot of mean stares through mascara caked eyes but I finally found one girl who said yes. (or at least she didn't say no) She looked the part, with jewels on her face, a ponytail of fire red hair and a pair of sunglasses to shield her eyes. She said her name was Madeleine and as Jason arrived back with the drinks I set up my tape recorder on the table and started asking the questions.

Derek: So you're a vampire?

Madeleine: Perhaps, let's just say that I'm about a real a vampire as you're going to meet at this place. I adhere to the code and do what I'm told by Lady Kim.

D: Who's Lady Kim?

M: She's is the current ruler of the vampire community of New Orleans. She was born in the early 1800's and was turned on her wedding day. She's been the top Vamp here for several years now.

D: Any chance I could meet her?

M: (laughs) Oh, I don't think you're ready to meet her . . .Besides she hardly ever comes here this early and sometimes you people...bother her. You'll have to satisfy your mortal curiosity with me. (laughs again and drains her wine glass) I'll be right back.

Jason turns to me looking a little bugged out. "You see her fangs?"

"Yeah I saw them. But she had her mouth closed when I took her picture. Take the camera, turn the flash off and try to get some more when she's not looking." I turn to see if Madeleine is watching us but she's at the bar flirting with the bartender. Quickly I shove the small camera in Jason's hands.

Jason: I don't know why you gotta get me involved in this crap

D: Shut up, here she comes

Madeline arrives back, places 2 fresh drinks in front of us and sits down with her back against the wall. She sips from her glass and gives me a look like she knows what I'm thinking. Jason and I mumble our thanks.

D: So why did you agree to talk to me? Are you afraid Lady Kim won't like it?

M: She hasn't told me I couldn't talk to you and you know how the devil is in the details! (laughs again) Besides if there is a problem I think I can take care of it. You two don't look threatening to me. I think I can handle things.

D: Oh yeah we're your basic non-threatening type.

J: Vampires and us are just like this (crosses fingers)

M: Glad to hear it Drink up boys! Don't you know you should never experience New Orleans sober after dark?

I comply, killing the new drink with one swift gulp. Jason just sips from his.

D: Let's get back to the questions. What's your schedule like? What's it like to be a vampire in New Orleans?

M: My schedule? (laughs) You think I have a schedule?

J: How do you make money?

M: Well I do work occasionally at a members only club down here in the French Quarter. Perhaps we could go there later. You would be my guests of course. (She finishes the glass, pushes it to Jason, and caresses his hand ) Now won't you be a dear and get us more to drink? Tell the bartender it's a refill for Madeleine. He knows what I like.

Jason grabs the 2 empty glasses (his is still full) and goes to the bar, I watch Madeleine as she follows Jason across the room with her eyes.

M: Your friend just radiates energy. He must work out quite a bit to have such strong arms.

D: Yeah, he does....So what's up with those fangs of yours? Are they real?

Madeline turns to look at me.

M: Of course they're real.

She opens her mouth to reveal them to me and as I stare at them she draws her tongue across her lips. It's the first time I've ever been flirted with by a vampire.

D: (trying to stay professional) So you drink blood?

M: Oh yes, sometimes, when the mood suits me. But don't get the wrong idea. I don't tramp around in the streets with a cowl over my head looking for some unsuspecting tourist to yank into a darkened alley. All of my "donors" are willing ones. They appreciate a good bite now and then.

D: (still trying to be professional but losing fast) What do you mean, "When the mood suits you?" I thought you had to drink blood to stay alive.

M: Oh I do have to refresh myself from time to time but blood isn't the only way I can do it. There's all kinds of ways to receive life force. I can take psychic energy without leaving a mark on you. And of course there's sexual energy......

But Jason arrives back with the drinks and I don't have to give her a follow-up question on that one. I take a gulp from my glass to calm my hormones down.

D: So do you sleep in a coffin?

M: (laughs) Excuse me for laughing but you seem to have gotten all your information from watching old movies.

D: Well yeah, as a matter of fact . . .

M: No I do not sleep in a coffin. Have you ever been inside one of those things?

Both Jason and I shake our heads in unison

M: Well I have and it's way too small to be comfortable. Maybe I would if I could have one custom built but until then I make do with a luxurious king sized bed.

D: Oh yeah I bet it is. . . .

I sense Jason staring at me but I ignore him.

D: So tell me some more interesting things about vampires ( I lean over the table hoping to get another look at those strange pearly whites of hers)

M: Well there are all kinds of secrets I could tell you but it's getting so crowded in here. Why don't we go to the club where I work? (She leans into my face) It's very quiet there and I'll tell you everything you want to know.

D: (swigging the last of my drink and spilling a little of it down my chin) Oh yeah, that sounds like a wonderful idea to me.

J: Well it doesn't to me. Derek we gotta hit the road early tomorrow.

I just sorta wave my hand at Jason and continue looking at her Madeline's mouth. How does she ever get those teeth so white?

Jason grabs my waving hand and uses it to yank me up into a semi-standing position.

M: Are you sure you have to leave?

D: Yeah Jason, are you sure?

J: I'm sure, wave goodbye to the nice vampire.

I sorta try to get out of Jason's grasp but it's useless. I turn back to Madeleine and give her my best smile and wave while Jason grabs the tape recorder.

D: It's been nice meeting you Madeleine.

M: And you too. You should be thankful you have such a thoughtful friend with you.

D: Oh yeah....

Jason guides me out of the bar, down a small alley and into the street. Even at 2 in the morning there's still plenty of frat boys roaming around looking for fun. I sober up some in the open air. Jason hails a cab and we get in.

"So why'd you yank me out of there so fast? She was coming on to me!" I ask Jason as we ride back to the hotel.

"A girl with fangs who says she's a vampire was coming on to you...Dude just think about what you're saying," he replies.

I mull it over in my semi alcohol-hazed mind for a second or two. Maybe he's right.

"Besides," Jason says, "When I went to the bartender and told him Madeleine needed another drink I got sorta freaked out."

"How's that?" I ask.

"The bartender grabbed the glass but he didn't go to the wine rack. He reached under the counter and pulled out a two liter cola bottle. It was half filled with that "red wine." When's the last time you ever heard of somebody using a old soda bottle for wine? Gave me the creeps, man."

I slump back in the seat trying to think of a reasonable explanation. Nothing springs to mind.


Interview with Madeleine by Derek Barnes and Jason Tatum

Photographs by Derek Barnes and Jason Tatum

Speak Your Mind

Tell a Friend


  • Gothic Net

  • Gathering of the Coven

  • Drinking with the Dead in New Orleans


  • Freaky Flora & Fauna
  • Mondo Occult
  • Mutants & Misfits
  • Necropolis Now
  • Nothing Up My Sleeve
  • Science Stumpers
  • Tails of the Crypto
  • Uniquely Freaky Observations

  • Send A Postcard


    Search for:


    Sign up for the Freaky Links Freak-A-Dential and be the first to know when we add new stuff to the site:

    (enter your email address and press button)