November 8th, 2000
OK, which one of you freaks have been spreading the rumor about my imminent demise? I've been getting loads of e-mails this past week asking if I'm still on this planet or not. Seems that somebody is reporting that I am kaput, dead, canceled, out of here, no longer among the living, no more, or, in other words, an ex-parrot (to quote Monty Python and I don't mind if I do)
Well let me be the first to state that reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. I still walk the earth hot on the trail of all things paranormal. I am very much alive, thank you very much and I wish everyone would stop asking about my health because frankly, it's making me a little jumpy.
...and no you can not have my robotic dog if I die so quit asking.
AND IN OTHER NEWS...GOD BLESS AMERICA, APPLE PIE AND THE CHUPACABRA!
It's like 1:30 in the morning here and they still ain't decided who the heck is going to be President of these fifty, nifty, United States. I was going to wait until they called it but at this point my official viewpoint is "the hell with it." By the time you read this I'm sure they'll have picked one of those two guys. I cast my vote earlier today and was proud to scribble the names Yog-Sothoth for President along with his running mate, R'lyeh as my write in candidates. Who says voting can't be fun?
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER GOVERNMENTAL CONSPIRACY
Click to enlarge the image.
Other people get chain letters for phony pyramid schemes, I get pictures of secret super weapons. This little image came my way with a rather peculiar note attached. I'll leave it up to you to decide it's worth.
You're just the man for this. I work for an Army depot in the Southwest and recently we've been testing some new weapons. I thought you might enjoy being the first on your block to see what your tax dollars are going towards
The weapon you see in the picture is a prototype of a portable kinetic energy weapon. It's official name is a boring string of letters. We've just been calling it the "Super-Duper." It packs quite a punch."
So is the photo B.S. or legitimate? Feel free to discuss it on the Government Conspiracy discussion board. I'm interested in learning what ya think.
WAVE GOOD BYE TO THE NICE MAN IN THE MONSTER SUIT
OK, that's it. I'm calling it a night. I'll be back on Friday with a new story designed to entertain and titillate. (but perhaps, not in that order)
Derek "No man is an Island" Barnes