October 27th, 2000
Hey there Generation X, Y and maybe a couple from Z, (and a quick wave to you baby boomers sitting out there in the back row)
Your resident raving loon, Derek Barnes here, just sitting back in the Lazeboy and living it up back in the safety of home. I got my feet hiked up on the desk, the keyboard in my lap and I got a big ole' bowl of Count Chocula sitting here in front on me. (Man that's good cereal!) It's been a rough week I tell ya. You know it's times like this when I start thinking about what it might have been like if I had decided to be the uptight, upright citizen. I think about what the perks would be if I would just get over my fear of nametags. If I could muster up the courage to actually wear a tie. If I could look at a shirt with a collar and then actually agree to put that sucker on. Yeah I think about stuff like that and it just sends chills down my spine. That's my nightmare, boys and girls, being forced to work in a cubicle and say things like "How's it going, Fred?" and "How's the kids, Eunice?" Oh man, that's scary. Hey I got nothing against people who do that thing, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that I could never do it. I could never give up the freedom of being able to hit the open road for the security of knowing that I'll be getting a paycheck every other Friday for the rest of my life. Chloe says I may wake up one day and discover I've given up one ball and chain for another. But I just say "Ha!" to that. (See, I just said it.) Right now I've got a big bowl of chocolate covered cereal and life just don't get any better than this.
Course I'm guessing you didn't log on to this website of Freakdom to hear about me and my chocolate fetish. (and if you did then...er...nevermind) I'm betting you clicked, linked and hypertext'd your way over here to be amused and who am I to deny you entertainment. In fact I make a living off keeping you entertained so I invite you to point your little browsers over to my new story I just posted. To paraphrase Justin Wilson, "I guarantee you'll be befuddled."
If you're a subscriber to the newsletter then you already know that last week I invited readers to submit a wacky caption to the following photo in exchange for a lovely Freakylinks T-shirt. Well after going through approx. 1,329 entries I have narrowed it down to the following two. Take a gander at the pick of the wit litter!
I got this entry many times but Freaky reader Brian was the first to submit it.
Submitted by a loyal viewer Brandon
Think you could have done better? Well if you were subscribed to my newsletter then you'd have first crack at showing off your genius and winning all kinds of free stuff. Why don't you sign up now and lemme send you info you don't need...Really, go ahead, sign up,... it's painless I promise ya.
BY THE POWER OF CASTLE GRAYSKULL!
I've been thinking lately about trying to come up with a catch phrase. You know something like "Shazam!" or "Oh mighty Isis!" Something I could shout out at times of crises to rally the troops. (Or maybe just something to yell out in crowded restaurants) So far I haven't had any luck. Jason is quick to point out that hurdy gur is a perfectly good catch phrase and maybe he's right. I keep hoping it'll spread across the country like a virus till one day I'll be passing a kid on the street and overhear him saying "Hurdy Gur" to his friend. (hey, a man's gotta have his dreams, right?)
In response to an earlier request for off the wall photos I recently got this one e-mailed to me.
And before you even ask lemme tell you I have NO idea what's going on in that picture. I'm not even sure I want to know what's going on in that picture.
I AM DEREK BARNES' TIRED FEET
OK, that's it for this one. My feet are aching from walking all over the Georgia woods. Remind me to wear hiking shoes next time I go looking for monsters, OK? Color this one done.
Derek "You get the ankles and I'll get the wrists" Barnes