August 6th, 2000

Greetings from Bigfoot Country!

Yeah well, I ain't seen none of them hairy bipeds yet but I'm keeping a lookout. I'm writing this from Lake Oswego Oregon (a suburb of Portland as near as I can tell) I'm staying at some overpriced hotel cause I'm a sucker for a place that advertises high speed internet access from their highway sign plus I deserve it for coaxing that wreck of a car this far.

Yeah I made it but I'm damned if I know how. I thought for sure I was a goner this morning when I got north of Redding California and saw those big ass mountains staring back at me.

OK, whose had the big idea to stick these big mountain things right in the middle of Interstate 5? Since I'm from the flatlands of Florida I was a little surprised to see what looked like the Himalayas looming through my windshield. I mean for God's sake it's August and some of these suckers have snow on the top of them. It just ain't right I tell ya. Not right at all. Remind me to have this stuff flattened out and paved over when I become King of the Known Universe.

Anyway those inclines from hell meant that I had to refill the radiator 4 times (although I must say that sticking my head in the steam did do wonders for my complexion) And thanks for the car repair tips Anita. As a reward for your help I'm giving this car to you in my will. You'll soon be able to find it in some gorge in Oregon if the brakes keep acting the way they do. But fear not my little sherlocks, I'm still in one piece for now and made it over Wolf Creek Pass, Grant's Pass, and all those other passes and found Heaven on Earth.

Of course with my luck Heaven on Earth wasn't ready yet so I had to motorvate on. That's OK because that's allowed me to meet lots of interesting people. . . . .

I didn't catch this guy's name since he was more the strong but silent type but he did direct me to the Bee Gee's Restaurant and their Salisbury steak. I looked for the Saturday Night Live singers but didn't see nary a one. Maybe they were in the back, cooking . . .

All right, enough of the cornball humor. I did see something unusual hovering over one of the mountains as I was driving so I got out for a better look.

Now, I'm the last person on earth who should be seeing UFO's (it's just too perfect) so I'm betting it's just a waylaid blimp. Course if you hear about strange things over the Oregon skyline lemme know so I can change my story and hog all the glory.

And double plus good thanks (as George Orwell use to say) to all you guys thoughts on the cryptic map clue of "You Go Under". Windjammer came thru with the fact that there's an underground part of downtown Seattle and that sounds just about perfect. (Almost too perfect, maybe all this perfectness is tied in somehow. . ) Agent 001 John Knight did some investigating and sent me a list of business's that have the "go under" theme. One of them's a bar so as a matter of duty I'm making that the first place I'm going to investigate . . .

I almost forgot to tell you that I took time out of my busy schedule to stop at the Oregon Vortex today. If you live anywhere around the Northwest you have to get your butt up to this place and check it out. I came away with a very freaky feeling about what's going on there and I don't impress that easily (well ok, maybe I do, but this place was way off the freak-o-meter in freakiness (do you think I used the word "freak" enough in that sentence?))

OK, enough blather, I got free HBO to watch (nothing like watching badly directed soft core erotica to end a day)

Hurdy Gur,

Derek "Why do all the old hippies live in Oregon?" Barnes

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