July 24th, 2000

Howdy from Texas,

Oh yeah I'm in San Antonio, home of the Alamo . . .General Sam Houston . . .and guys in really big hats and bad facial hair

The last coupla days have been a blur getting here. Let's see if I remember the who's and where's

Day 1, Friday : Pensacola Florida

Not much to report but I did stop in Gulf Breeze Florida to see Sam Sherman who I reported on in the Freakopedia a while back (he's the guy who may have an alien implant in his head. Check out the my story "Get Your Small Gray Unjointed Fingers Out of My Head" for more details)

But Sam was nowhere to be found. It looks like he's skipped town without telling me cause his home looks deserted. Kinda odd cause I kept up an e-mail friendship thing with this guy and other than the fact that he has a weird piece of metal in his brain that he can't explain, he seemed pretty normal. So Sam if you're out there and reading this, drop me a line, inquiring minds wanna know where you is. (ain't grammer fun?)

Day 2: Saturday New Orleans Louisanna

Saturday was full of trouble cause we rolled into the Big Easy and it all went down hill pretty fast. Lemme explain . . .

Yeah we rolled into town on Saturday morning and instantly decided to call it a day and spend the night there. Jason and I are suckers when it comes to a town that never stops serving alcohol.

But of course, as soon as we started roaming the streets of the Crescent City I started seeing some weird things. . .they almost seem like commandments on how to behave .

Like what's up with this spray painted on a wall? Seeing something like this just once isn't enough to make me stop and think that much but then like an hour later I saw this:

OK, so now it's becoming borderline odd. Makes me think that there's some plot by the evil overlords to push me into pre-set behavior patterns. (You know I can see conspiracies at the drop of a hat)

Anyway, enough of the "inanimate objects telling me how to behave" jive. I do have a great story I stumbled onto at the hotel we stayed at. (Jason pulled off a huge scam with a friend who's a travel agent and we're stayed at this super swanky hotel right in the middle of downtown called Le' Pavillon for like half of what it usually costs) I'll fill you in on the story when I get back but for now here's a tease . . .

Spooky huh? (Just nod your head yes anyway)

Sometime after midnight we rolled into a bar called "The Dungeon" and after we sat down for a minute I noticed that everyone was wearing lots of black and looking like "erotic vultures" (to quote Frank Black) So naturally I started asking questions and found out that we'd run into a coven of "vampires." I'll tell the story in detail when I get back but for now let's just say that if you do go to a vampire bar, never order a drink called the "Vampire's Kiss"

Day 3 Sunday: Driving thru Texas, San Antonio

Spent most of the day driving. (well Jason drove and I slept off the hangover I acquired from last nights activities) Anyway it's 2 am my time and I'm sitting here typing this on the portable computer while Jason snores like a 18 wheeler semi going uphill. I'm tired boys and girls and it's way past my bedtime so I'm calling it a night. More as it develops.

Hurdy gur

Derek "Interview with a Poser" Barnes

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