July 3rd, 2000
You know as Supreme Being and all around web dude for Freakylinks I get a lot of questions thrown at me. Things like, "Derek, where do you get your stories?" and "Derek, what do you look like?" and "Derek, why won't you stop calling my sister and leave my family alone?"
Well lemme set your minds at ease and attempt to answer a few of these perplexing questions. Far be it for me to have a nation of Freakylinks viewers staying awake at night, turning restlessly while their brains try to grapple with life's unanswered mysteries.
Derek where do you get your stories?
Easy one. Take for example the newest entry into Mutants and Misfits, Saint Eom and Pasaquan. I was driving thru L.A. (that's lower Alabama to you Northerners) with my friend Jason and stopped at a bo-dunk gas station for an unleaded fill up and some moon pies. While we were there the attendant asked about my Freakylinks t-shirt. When I told him about my website he asked if I had been to Pasaquan. Needless to say, I drove 300 miles out of the way on the suggestion of that gas station attendant and it was worth every extra minute I spent. I got a great story and you've got something new to read at work while you're suppose to be filling out spreadsheets. Will this stop people from insisting that I make it all up? Nope, probably not, but now at least you'll know the truth.
What do I look like?
I get this one a lot. (For some reason mostly from 14 year old girls who have the word "lov" in their e-mail address.) I'm not sure why people are insistent of seeing how my face appears but lemme tell ya, I'm normal. Boringly normal. Oh so normal that you wouldn't think twice of me if we passed on the street. And that's how I want it, blessed anonymity. Besides if my mug was plastered all over the site then how could I be expected to go undercover on all these oh so secret and freaky missions I perform? Trust me, it's better for both of us if you have no idea who the freak behind the HTML is.
And as for that whole sister thing?
I plead the 5th. . . . .
WINNER OF THE NAME THE FREAKYLINKS DOG CONTEST
Thanks to everyone that mailed in entries for the contest I ran last week. The new mascot to the site was looking for a name and the Freakylinks viewers came thru in a big way.
And without further ado (what the heck is ado anyway?) The new name for our cybernetic canine mascot is . . . . Sherlock Bones!
Robo Cyro Fido
Oh yeah, intrepid e-mailer Connie from Arkadelphia Arkansas came up with that one and for her troubles gets a t-shirt! (hey whadda expect, a new car?) I don't have space to list all the suggestions but some of the other wacky ones were:
Steel Heel Jack
S.C.R.A.P.S. (some crude robotic androgynous piece of . . .steel)
Freak E Deke
Bend Over Rover
Making new friends
And my personal favorite . . .
Sparky, the borderline sociopath bent on dominating the universe with an army of undead lizard warriors!!!
If you're totally despondent on not winning a t-shirt you can always sign up for the Freakadential newsletter I send out on a semi-regular basis. There's always a contest in there with that fabulous grand prize! (Insert sarcastic theme music here)
OK, that should wrap it up, I gots lots of stuff to do here at the Casa de Freaky and not enough time to do it in. Check out the new story and lemme know what you think by speaking your piece on the discussion board.
Derek "RoboFido" Barnes