June 1st, 1999
If you're a cable news junkie like me I'm sure you've already heard of the story about the guy they caught at Yosemite National Park. Seems like some half crazed guy was roaming half nekkid around the park causing trouble, scaring the tourists, shouting nonsense and in general making a nuisance of himself. Well they finally caught him and it turns out that he wasn't speaking nonsense, he was speaking Russian. Look at the Freakopedia for more information.
You see, there's a perfect example of why the world is going to hell. I'm sure there's plenty of National parks in Russia (or what's left of it after the fall of the commie pinko regime) for this guy to run around half-nekkid in but nope, he's got to come over here and run around in one of our parks. Heck he probably pushed a good ole' American crazy man out of business what with his antics. Insane jobs for insane Americans thats what I say. There's enough nuts of the home grown variety around that we don't need to be importing any into these God bless 50 united states. Next thing you know there will be crazy Cubans down in Miami . . .er wait a minute . . .
What else is new . .lessee got an e-mail for "CottonEyeJoe" (that's what he calls himself at least) CottonEye writes, " . .Derek, I'm impressed by your dedication to all things freaky but what do you do for fun?"
Well thanks for asking Joe (if I can call ya that). I'm lucky enough to have a job that I enjoy doing. I can't imagine going through life and working at a job I hate just so I can amass enough funds to do stuff that I like on the weekends. A fun job should be a God given right and I urge each and every one of you to quit your job if it isn't fun.
That's right, stop reading this web page right now in your little stuffy cubicle, get up and go tell the boss that you're as bored as hell and you're not going to take it anymore. Tear up those post-it notes, rip off that headphone mic. you use to answer the phone and arise wage slaves. You have nothing to lose except your shackles of oppression.
Well that's not exactly the truth. You'd also lose your weekly paycheck, your medical benefits and any profit sharing plans you and your company may currently enjoy together. On second thought maybe you shouldn't tear up those post-it notes. You might need 'em later for that meeting. And hey you, quit hitting that computer with your mouse and get back to work. We need that report by Wednesday.
Sorry about that folks, sometimes I go off half-cocked.
Derek "stiff upper lip" Barnes