February 20th

Oh man,

Mr. Crowley, the amazing wonder dog got a hold of the computer mouse and seemed hell bent of staying on some dog food web page. It took some doing but I think I've talked him out of his plans for eating the monitor. I turned on the Animal cable channel on the set and he seems content to bark at the freaking rhinos.

"freaking rhino's" Doesn't that always sound weird when they put in "freaking" for the f word on TV when they show a feature film? Like when the mob boss orders a hit and he says "Put him to sleep with the freaking fishes" Like this cold blooded murderer actually thinks that "freaking" puts more emphisis on his words. From now on I resolve to never use the word "freaking" again.

ever and ever, amen.

Anyway, I got this cool freaking e-mail from a guy who claims that you can order satellite photos of Area 51 from the Russian air force. (does Russia even have an air force any more? Didn't they sell it to Libya for a crate of vodka and a camel?)

It sounded to weird to be true, which perked my interest immediately. The e-mail didn't give any facts to back it up so I decided to once again don my reporter's hat. (I now have a reporter's hat but instead of a sign that says "press" mine says "Supreme Being of Information Retrieval" I had to buy a bigger hat but I think it's worth it)

So I decided to call the Russians. Not knowing any Russian air force generals I settled for calling the consulate in Washington DC I also decided to talk to them in my best illiterate white trash accent.

Well the accent didn't throw them one little bit. (Guess we all sound alike to them) After a few minutes of canned music (normal American canned music and not some strange Russian polka) my name and phone number was taken.

Two hours later the Russian Government gave me a call.

Well actually it was the Alexi Langa who works for an American corporation run by the Russian Space Agency

Yea, I thought it was weird too but evidently the Russians have embraced capitalism with both arms.

"Why yes Mr. Barnes the Russian government does have satellite photos of many of earth's features. Yes, we do have an image available of that section of your state of Nevada. No, Mr. Barnes there are currently no laws restricting the sale of such images to a private American citizen. Could I interest Mr. Barnes in a quantity discount?"

So I ordered one. They even take charge cards and use overnight delivery. I got it hanging up on the wall right now. Maybe I should sell them on-line.

I gots to go over to Mom's and wash clothes, so enjoy the site and make sure to sign the guest book. If your screen suddenly changes to a shot of dog food just yell "bad dog" and it should change back.

hurdy gur,

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