photo of R U Sirius by Bart Nagel

When I got the idea to have an interview page on the site I could think of no better person to start things off than one of the true masters of disinformation, R U Sirius. R U is the first internet anti-hero and has been hanging around the internet since way before William Gibson got the idea to write about computers. Among other things he's the co-founder and former Editor of the original cyberculture magazine, Mondo 2000. He also writes regular monthly columns for a lot of those paper magazines who still don't realize their medium is a dead-end and is lead conceptualist and does vocals and lyrics for the band Mondo Vanilli. Recently he's started his own political party called "The Revolution" and has announced his candidacy for President of these fifty, nifty United States. Sirius consented to be the test subject for this first interview and I happily obliged.

1. What's your average day like?

My average day is a lot like a cockerspaniel. long, thin, whiny and with a wet nose.

But really, I get up, drink caffeinated tea, come to my office in San Francisco where I spend most of my day online, maybe do some writing, go home to my fiancé Eve, watch TV, read, make love. I used to live a dissolute life of sex, drugs and rock n roll but that was before I discovered politics. Now I just try to attract corrupting donations.

2. How is the Revolution going?

Things are going great. I've got a terrific political party filled with deadbeat slackers with no money, focus, or energy who don't accomplish a damn thing. We're winning through Taoism.

3. Have you got on the ballots of any states yet?

No. This is a write-in campaign. But if I had as much money to spend as Al Gore or George Bush, I could win even if they only counted people who were willing to dance to the polls naked to vote for me. It's amazing that, with all that money, those two losers can't get more than 19 people to give a shit.

Anyway, I like the idea of the write-in because it challenges the Sirius supporter to make a statement just by going to the poll. The act of demanding a write-in ballot is an act of rebellion. I'm going to have fun, spread subversive ideas, and sell some copies of my book, The Revolution®: Quotations from Revolution® Party Chairman R.U. Sirius, I don't figure on getting lots of votes, but this could catch on at the last minute, particularly if people out their reading this want it to, and go nuts spreading the word.

4. Any thoughts on choosing a vice presidential candidate?

Jocelyn Elders is my choice. For those who don't know, she was Clinton's first Surgeon General. She was forced out of the Administration because she said that we should consider legalizing drugs, and we should teach about masturbation in school.

I picture the VP leading a national masturbation teach-in on MTV with Brittany Spears. Yes, I can see it clearly. Yes! Yes!! Yessss!!!!!!

5. What's your favorite conspiracy?

My favorite general conspiracy is the idea of the zombie assassin. This is one advocated by many, if not most, hardcore conspiracy freaks. This is the idea that government agents are able to plant deep programs inside individual psyches. At the appropriate moment, the zombies get some kind of signal and they kill. I find the idea just fascinating. I would be happy enough just to get someone to update my website on a regular basis, and these guys can program zombies to kill? Anyway, Sirhan Sirhan, David Berkowitz, John Hinkley, Mark David Chapman, and Cinque - head of the Symbionese Liberation Army have all been identified as zombie assassins.

I have my own idea that I've never seen mentioned anywhere that maybe the Crowleyite avant-garde filmmaker Kenneth Anger had something to do with the assassination of John Lennon. I met Anger recently at the Disinfo.con, and I have no reason to dis him, but this is just an idle speculation, anyway. But Chapman went to see Anger speak a few days before he assassinated Lennon. John and Yoko were also known to be into Crowley. What if Anger was into the black magickal side of Crowley and Lennon was into the white side? (Sorry for the racist implications but I'm using the accepted language of the occult here?) What if Ken made Mark David his zombie assassin in a magickal struggle for power?

6. What's currently the most evil corporation out there?

It's a tie. AOL just for being AOL, and particularly for Steve Case pretending to be all warm and cuddly and progressive and idealistic. And Chevron, which collaborated with the Nigerian government in burning down a village that was resisting oil drilling.

7. Do you believe in UFO's?

Once me and my friends abducted a cute little gray alien and subjected him to painful anal probes.

As far as Unidentified Flying Objects, sure. I believe in that. Do I know what they are? No. If we could identify them, they wouldn't be Unidentified then would they?

I'll say something serious about skepticism. I'm a skeptic. I don't believe the aliens are here. And I don't believe the aliens are NOT here. I don't know. That's skepticism. The people who call themselves skeptics aren't skeptics. They're absolute believers that nothing that seems weird to them could possibly be true. That's the opposite of skepticism.

photo of R U Sirius by Eve Berni

8. Is Mondo Vanilli still a viable product after it's business dealings with Trent Reznor?

Well, there were three of us, and Simone Third Arm has gone off to LA where she has her own band, Tekrah. But Scrappi DuChamp and I may do some new music soon, and we're all collaborating with Videobrain on a film called REVOLTING!, that ought to be ready in a year or two.

Since you're audience doesn't know the story, let me just say that my group MONDO Vanilli recorded for Trent Reznor's label Nothing Records in 1994. The CD was never released. It's a long story that would dominate this conversation if I were to try to tell it. But basically, Reznor said he was creating a new type of record label that wouldn't screw artists. He lied. It's probably not his fault. He was on a downward spiral.

9. I heard you partied with Trent in Sharon Tate's mansion. Anything weird go on while you were there?

Well, Gibby Haynes got verbally abusive with a beautiful and snooty LA teen bimbo who wouldn't believe that Johnny Depp had lent him the Monsarati he'd driven up in, That was about as close to Mansonesque behavior I saw that evening, unless you count Trent gobbling down magic mushrooms. I suppose just getting high on ecstasy with Timothy Leary in the place where the Manson murders occurred is one for my scrapbook, but the scene was nice and basically uneventful.

10. Who's winning the culture wars? Is it the media with its attempts to subvert anything hip or does the youth culture still have the edge?

Thanks to the spread of the web, the youth who ignore the mainstream and make up their own culture have the edge. On the other hand, after The Revolution®, all these kids who are going for the Christina Aguillera's and the boy bands and all that are going to have to go through rehabilitation in our "Scared Hip" program. They'll be locked into a room for 48 hours with a gaggle of Republicans who will bore them beyond the point of tolerance.

11. If Bigfoot and the Chupacabra got into a fight, who'd win?

I'll take the Mexican fella over the gringo in a fair one-on-one, but I'm worried that the Footster would have nukes and chemical weapons. So I'll have to go with Mr. Foot.

12. What are your thoughts on the human genome project? Where do you see that technology taking us?

I'm excited by the genome project. I see children being genetically programmed to be able to withstand a lifetime of excellent mind-altering drugs without any physical deterioration. I see people with three arms so they can carry their groceries and reach for pocket change at the same time. I see (seriously) cures for lots of diseases. The only downside I see is corporations patenting human beings.

13. I saw you have a link to a tarot card reading website on your revolution page. Do you believe some humans have the ability to foresee the future?

In my twenties, I was sensitive and had profoundly useful premonitory dreams and visions. Yes. I don't think it can be easily organized and controlled. It's more like something that happens sometimes and doesn't happen sometimes.

14. If you are elected President will you finally tell us what is really in Area 51?

RELEASE THE FILES! As far as I know I'm the only candidate calling for the end of pointless secrecy. You know, I've always wondered, since there's this Area 51, there must be an Area 50, right. What the hell is going on in Area 50? That's what I want to know.

15. Why should we vote for you instead of Bush or Gore?

Didn't your mother tell you not to use four letter words?

16. What's the freakiest thing that ever to happen to you?

In 1973, I stood on a table in a bar in Binghamton New York and sang the entire Mothers Of Invention album "We're only in it for the Money" to a table of well-dressed, upscale African Americans. At first they were very annoyed, but they wound up cheering some of the lyrics and gave me a standing ovation when I finished. Needless to say I was plastered.

17. What's the deal with Saint Jude?

It's St. Jude to you, buddy. Ummm, why? Did you bump into her? Jude is my occasional cowriter. She's brilliant and funny, and agoraphobic and disconnected from reality. What's not to love?

18. Got any favorite music you wanna share with the rest of the wackpack?

Aside from my own?. You could look up a CD called Black Rain by Nanarchy. Aside from that, I like Ambient and Jungle, Beck, Negativland, acid jazz, Ornette Coleman, David Bowie, Diamanda Galas, Bach, John Cale. god I could go on to list a couple of hundred of 'em.

19. What can the average riotgrrl or cyberboy do to influence the world around them?

Join The Revolution®! Seriously, it's great to be outside the system in your own subculture, but if countercultural people would get together, we'd have as much influence as the Christian Right and we'd regain some freedoms.

20. Any thoughts you wanna leave us with?

Let's all get together and MOCK THE VOTE! Young people have the numbers to change the system. Just remember this slogan: "R.U. Sirius for President? Sure, whatever."

And feel free to contact me at rusirius@well.com.