January 3rd, 2001

Hey guys,

The Dreams are tapering off....

I don't know if it had something to do with finding that book at Adam's. Maybe it was the fact that I had all this built up anxiety over my birthday on the first. Something acted as a catharsis though and I have calmed down a lot. (Both consciously and subconsciously.) I'm sleeping better and God knows that's a good thing.

Ya know, the more I think about it, the more I think it might have been about my birthday. Before Adam's death, we always celebrated the day together. When we were kids we both bemoaned the fact that our birthday was so close to Christmas that we never got anything good. Heck, usually we even got our presents wrapped in old Christmas paper. Later on as teens we would each get $20 in tokens from our Mom and spend the day at the arcade. Nothing says sibling love quite like blasting your bro's video character with a laser pistol.

I miss that kind of stuff.

I started reading that Harbinger's book I got from his house. I got over being freaked out from that symbol. I remember Adam was talking about the book and it's author, Wilson Ashcroft right before he died. Maybe I flipped through the book back then and saw the symbol and subconsciously remembered it. Maybe.... I mean that theory looks good on paper but I dunno if it holds water. Anyway, the book is really bad and I don't mean that in a good way. Ashcroft only wrote one book and after reading a coupla chapters it's easy to see why. Still I'm trying to trudge through it just to see if it helps keep the dreams at bay.

So that's where I stand as of today. Thanks for all the e-mails you guys sent on trying to help me interpret my dreams....and thanks for worrying about me when I spouted off madness in my dream journal. I'm pretty much back to normal. (Or at least, my brand of normal) I'm heading out to Casadaga on Friday for their little Psychic Fair hoe-down so I should have something new and exciting to report come Friday night.

And Lan did get me a nice big chocolate cake on Monday. There can't be too much wrong in the world when there's chocolate cake in the fridge.

Happy birthday to me.

Hurdy Gur,
Derek "same ole, sane ole" Barnes

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