December 8th, 2000
Pop goes the weasel,
Just got back from another road trip to the buckle of the bible belt (that's Alabama in case you were wondering) and it's nice to be back at home with nothing to worry about except where my next double espresso is coming from. Actually to tell you the truth I really dig those frapachinos from Starbucks but don't tell anybody...it might effect my hard core paranormal image, a know?
I read over Lan's diary entry from Wednesday and lemme just set the record straight. She is not, I repeat, NOT giving me a singing Billy Bass for Christmas. That's not something I wanna have to deal with on a daily basis. I do not need a singing fish in my life. In fact when I see those things in the mall I get this overpowering urge to smash them. But this is anti-social (or so Jason says) so up till now I have curbed my anger at these animatronic water breathers...however this might change if one of 'em shows up at my house. If you happen to be a caroling aquatic creature, consider yourself warned.
THE BRIDGES OF MADNESS COUNTY
Check out the new Freakopedia article to see what tasty paranormal goodness I uncovered while up there in Alabama. Remember kids, I go to Alabama so you don't have to..... (And if you live in Alabama just lemme say that the last statement was a joke. I love Alabama and it's people are like a family to me. A strange, misguided, slightly squinty eyed family that lives out back in a trailer, but a family nonetheless.)
CHUPACABRA, NOW WITH THE KUNG FU GRIP!
Many thanks to Freaky reader Andy who sent me the link for the Chupacabra action figure up on Ebay. Click here to see this sucker in all its glory.
It makes me wonder how long we have to wait until we get the Skunk Ape action figure....Oh wait, the Freak Store already has one for sale!
How timely of me to remember that, what with Christmas coming up and all. Hey kids, don't you want a high quality figurine of America's worst smelling monster? Of course you do! Go get a parental figure (preferably the one with the charge cards) and force him or her to stare at the beauty of the skunk ape. Tell them your childhood will be incomplete without a Freakylinks skunk ape statue. Tell them you'll throw a fit unless they purchase one for you RIGHT THIS INSTANT.... Tell them whatever it takes to get one of these suckers for yourself. Use your childlike innocence to its maximum potential in an effort to acquire the material possessions that you need, want, and have to have. Trust me, you'll thank your lucky stars when it arrives under the tree instead of one of those god awful scooters... (You'll poke your eye out with one of those things, dontcha know.)
OK, this is the point where I go pop....
Derek "Shameless" Barnes