July 11th, 2000
Word up to the Wackpack,
Got a lot of e-mails this past week since I put the cartoon of myself up in the diary entries. I thought it would do just the opposite, since everybody wants to see what I look like, I would give 'em a taste, that would be enough, and I'd stop getting 150 e-mails a week asking what I look like.
. . .What the heck was I thinking?
Instead I've gotten more e-mails. Now everybody wants to know if the cartoon is suppose to be me or what . . . Who else would it be? You see anybody else sitting here slaving over a hot keyboard? Hey what am I? Chopped liver?
Then one enterprising freak named Gothroth e-mailed me this picture
Here's what she has to say:
"Derek I don't think the cartoon does you justice. I think you're more of a renaissance man. And that short hair is really a turn off. This drawing is more to my liking, use it instead."
So basically no matter what I really look like, she's remaking me into her own image. Hey I can appreciate that, that's the American way. It don't matter what reality is, we just grab the truth around its scrawny throat and start twisting that sucker around and round like it was a chicken getting it's neck rung. We don't let reality go until its spine is broke and it's flopping around on the lawn not even realizing that it's DOA.
(oh man I don't even know where I was going with that analogy, just ignore that whole thing)
Anyway what I'm getting at is that Gothrock's painting gave me the idea for a new contest.
Yes that's right kids, it's time to round up your crayola's and hunker over the drawing board . .it's the DRAW YOUR OWN DEREK CONTEST! (insert cool Mark Post TV riff here)
OK, here's the deal, draw a picture of what you think I should look like and e-mail it to me at email@example.com by the 20th of July. If you're living in the stone age and don't have a scanner or digital camera you can mail it to me at Freakylinks PO Box 532112, Orlando Fl, 32853-2112
You can use any medium you like (oils, acrylics, crayons, pens, stone carvings) but whatever you send you agree to let me post up here on Freakylinks for the world to see (and possibly laugh at.)
The most inventive image gets a free t-shirt so make sure you send me your name and address with each entry. (Hey I know it's not a huge prize but whadda want me to do? Give ya a million bucks like Regis?)
OK, that's it, I'm signing off, make sure and read all about the Alabama Museum of Wonder (make your vacation plans now!) in the newest Freakopedia entry.
Derek "colors outside the lines" Barnes