Oct. 31st
Hello,
Today is the anniversary of my brother Adam's death. (he died a year ago) Don't feel like doing much. Went out and skated a little bit. Halloween use to be my favorite holiday but not anymore. The one bad memory blocks out all the good ones.
Adam was always the more mature one of us. He's the one that got his Bachelor degree and then went on the a Ph.D. while I was out practicing my footwork on the vert pipe. He was the respectable one.
Me and Mr. Crowley (Crowley was actually Adam's dog to start with) went over to Mom's and went out to his grave. Afterwards Mom made me lunch and I hung out at her house and looked through the old photo album. There's a great old Halloween picture of me and Adam dressed up as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee when we were 12 or 13. Must have been right before we stopped letting Mom dress us alike. Being an individual becomes a big point to you around that age when you have a twin.
Feels like now I'm just the Cheshire Cat, just letting everyone see the smile while the rest of me is invisible. (insert harps and overblown synth music here)
Thought that writing this crap out would make me feel better but I just feel as empty as ever. I'm going to bed.
Derek
