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PAGES 26 THROUGH 29 |
PAGE 26 Breakdowns. Exhaustion. A giant circle. We hiked 11 hours today in a giant circle. We have no food. Hungry. Despairing. Exhausted. Hating and loving each other extremely and alternately all day long. About to go to sleep now. Sure. After what happened last night. Those children's voices. Fear and exhaustion. Which one will win? I am praying for exhaustion. Whatever comes, comes. We sleep, it wakes us. There doesn't seem to be to much sense in keeping watch except that one of us is always conscious and shitting our pants. It is cold. At least we're dry (From the calves up anyway). Horrible hike through a marsh today. I am evading the subject. I am evading the subject of my fear. I am trying desperately to hold my shit together... |
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PAGE 27 ...while Josh and Mike fall apart. As long as I keep shooting, I feel like all of this has a purpose. Maybe not at the moment, but eventually. Shooting is the only way to make this situation good for something as soon as we get out of here. |
| We will get out of here. |
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I still can't figure out how we hiked in a circle today. I had the compass out all day. All 3 of us checked it every 5 minutes. We were going SOUTH all day. How are we going to get out of here if we keep hiking in circles? What is plan B? Plan B. I stitched as much as I could of Mike's crotch hole tonight (That sounds bad, eh?). I am on my last pair of dry socks. I am hungry. I have been wearing the same panties since we left. When as I supposed to change them? When do I have 2 seconds to... |
PAGE 28 ...myself when I'm not following or chasing someone? I want to go home. there must be people looking for us. At the very least people would be wondering what happened to the borrowed equipment. Should we wait for them to find us? Which berries are edible and which are poisonous? Will having a campfire draw the attention of whatever, whoever is following us - or will it help people looking for us (to help us) find us. Either way it makes us obvious. Is that what we want? I don't know - I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. |
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PAGE 29 Josh is gone. It is Mike and I now. Alone. I question why I continue to film. It seems sick almost. Who will see this footage? Will I? Still have plenty of battery power. I have been carrying it on my back for a week now, so I might as well use it. Also carrying the CP. 20 extra pounds on my ill-fed back. |
| I am scared. I don't know what is after us. |
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I just know I don't want to be in an unmarked grave beneath a pile of rocks. I don't want to be a grownup Eileen Treacle. It is so dark and so quiet that the smallest squirrel makes monumental sounds. I can feel myself breaking down in spite of my best efforts. Fear, hunger and cold are taking their toll. Where is Josh? Maybe he ran off for help like Mike says, but why did he leave all his stuff in the middle of the freezing night. And why was it his... |
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