Wanna delve into Derek's boring life? Just find a summary that holds your interest and click on the date to see the full diary entry.
Rants from 1998:
I went out but was a little upset that she refused to let me take my own pictures. I did buy some from her that are in the new Freakopedia article. They leave a little something to be desired but whatcha going to do? Complain to the local ectoplasmic better business bureau?
My left foot has fallen asleep cause it's being crammed into the back of the chair in front of me. I always try to get a emergency aisle when I'm flying (I call it the poor man's version of 1st class) Airline travel has to be the worst form of transportation in terms of comfort. I long for the days when giant dirigibles plied the skies offering rooms, bars, and plenty of stretching room.
Hector speaks English just about as well as I speak Spanish so when his American educated son isn't around we just sorta smile at each other and drink beer. While we're drinking I got him to draw what he had seen earlier this month during a previous attack. It looks pretty much like an average goatsucker should look like so I'm convinced. (I convince easy)
Anyway this guy read the article published about me, found the web site, and wants to fly me out to P.R. to set up a web cam to capture the elusive goat sucker. He's obviously not your average Puerto Rican farmer.
I use to sneak into the kitchen and try to find unopened cans of cranberry sauce. Mom had to hide the stuff from me. I was a cranberry addict. Then when I turned 10 I discovered comic books and cranberries no longer held me in their purple berry grip.
That local reporter who has been tipping me off on stories in town did a pretty nice article on me and the web site a couple of days ago. I thought it was fair and accurate. He even let Mr. Crowley be in the picture so in my book that makes him an OK kinda guy.
You may remember those wild and crazy boys up in North Carolina that I went and visited some months back. Well one of them called with congrats on the web site and wanted to know if I would be interested in setting a monster cam up.
I saw the little flame war that erupted on the discussion board I refuse to take sides but I do think everyone should take a little 'cool-out' time as my Mom use to say. Yelling and name calling never got anyone anywhere.
After a moment or two we thanked him kindly and mentioned the fact that it was surprising that we had not seen another peanut salesman on the roadside for quite a ways. Had word of his peanuts driven away the competition?
I mean it was bad. Real bad. Bad with a capitol B and that rhymes with T and that stands for treeing coons. He was so bad, we bought him a drink after he was finished.
I told him I thought maybe we should stick to traveling separately but he'll hear none of that. Told me that he's had this vehicle inspected from the outside in and is a raring to go. I was still a little hesitant but then he showed me the fire extinguisher he bought and I felt a little better.
Me and Mr. Crowley (Crowley was actually Adam's dog to start with) went over to Mom's and went out to his grave. Afterwards Mom made me lunch and I hung out at her house and looked through the old photo album.
What's up? Remember that friend of Lan's in Budapest? Well he just sent us our first eastern European entry into the Freakopedia. Go check out what those crazy Romanians did.
Hot news this week is that I hooked up with an ex-NASA guy who claims he has proof positive that the moon landings were faked. Read all about it in the Freakopedia. I'm actually doing a little more research on this one since it is so close to home.
Big news from the home front. Lan has written some new code that makes it possible to start a little e-mailed newsletter to all my little sherlocks out there in cyberspace land.
The hit meter is steadily climbing thanks to the devotion of all you old-timers and quite a few new passers-by. Guess the change to our new neighborhood has gotten us a lot of new clientele.
Even more stability has been added to the site for your viewing pleasure. The discussion board was revamped to make things a little easier on our server. Unfortunately I think we have lost some of the earlier archived discussions.
Spiffy looking, ain't it? Lan has done a kick ass job on this thing. I really, really like the Spring Heel Jacks she has put around the place. And of course the drapes that match the furniture are an excellent touch.
How's it going? I just spent the last two weeks once again catching up on orders for the tape and T-shirts. I even hired Jason for a few days to pack crap up. It's hard work keeping myself in the lifestyle I have grown accustomed to.
So these factory dudes kept this thing at the factory office and it was a pain and a half to get in there. I had to wear overalls, tell everyone my name was Bob and in general act very excited around power tools.
Got a call from a guy who works at a leather tanning factory. Wouldn't say how he got my number but I suspect it was that reporter again. Anyway he says that he and another employee found a weird frog thing in the sludge pit.
After pouring through the entries for the name contest I did the only correct thing and deleted all of them. I should have realized I was the only one for this job. well then, without further ado, . . . FreakyLinks is born!
Also check out our brand new DISCUSSION BOARD! That's right. Now you can carry on a conversation about me with another person you have never met. Just another service brought to you from 'Derek's Self Important Pile of Crap'.
As of right now Lan is sleeping at my place (on the couch) and writing code for the new web site. Lot's of changes in the works, friends and neighbors. You'll just have to wait and see. This place is going to be an on-line supernaut of a freak show.
Lan also mentioned the little fact that she is in no way working for me. Instead we are a team. I handle the freaky stuff and she handles the more down to earth matters.
Seriously though, she wants to quit her jobs and motorvate down here and help me manage the site. If you ask me she's nuts. Sure I'm a hot potato right now but what is she going to do when my 15 minutes of fame is up? Pack T-shirts?
Evidently that photo I found stuck in that book is some sort of holy grail for the freaks out there. (or it might be the holy grail there's a lot of discussion on the fact.) It's called the thunderbird photo and was thought to have been long lost.
The worst part of the fire was that whole loss of personality thing. I had this T-shirt I owned since 1989 go up in that head bar-b-q. It had all this killer insignia stuff going on around this bald guy's head and in the middle of his forehead were the words 'I Will Show You Fear in a Handful of Dust'.
Made it home. Mr. Crowley was glad to see me. One advantage to having all your dirty clothes burn up is that you don't have to do any laundry.
Onboard a greyhound heading south. Have a hangover. Whenever I close my eyes I still see that giant head looking at me.
Words can not convey the doom and gloom that surrounds Rich and I. The giant head caught fire and burned it and the truck down. Imagine the giant head of a shoe salesman on fire by the side of the road. Imagine me and Rich looking on in disbelief.
The head is garnering a lot of attention in the land of Clinton. Whenever we park people ask us if they can have their picture taken in front of it. Or if we are on the move they wave. Like they know us.
Rich got the head at auction when this shoe store closed for like $20. He sold it on-line to a guy for something like $600 plus shipping (are you beginning to see how devious a man Rich is?)
We leave on the 6th and to celebrate I unfroze the credit card. (which is a trick my mom taught me. If you have a credit card, stick it in a block of ice in the refrigerator. That way it'll keep you from overspending and if you really want something it takes a while for the ice to melt).
I know it's not the close up 70mm panoramic, surround-a-sound 3 dimensional hoop snake footage that you were looking forward to seeing. I know that it could be a hula hoop being thrown across the lawn. I also know that you think I'm an idiot for paying for the footage.
Here I am sitting in front of my ragged ass computer and just mere inches away from my incorrect spelling fingers (you should thank God that you see this stuff after it has been spell corrected) is the hoop snake footage. Yea that's right, you heard me, I bought it.
Little bit of excitement has crossed the news desk here. A young riot girl in Van Nuys left me an e-mail this week that her father has actual footage of a hoop snake on some old super 8 that he shot in the 60's. Interesting, yes?
In our continuing coverage of strange people with bad ideas, our roving reporter Lan, (actually she does not rove that much any more, not since the hip surgery.) sent in a interesting story on a woman in Ledyard Connecticut that can cure infertility with a fish.
Yes, that's right I've quit my job again. This one lasted less than a month. (which is actually the 4th shortest job I have ever had,) The world's record for shortest time on a new job by Derek Barnes is currently 4 hours and 21 minutes.
Been making T-shirts left and right. Mostly being sold to those rad and amped skater boyz who are trying to copy the nollie heel flip indy poke to fakie they saw in the video. Maybe I should sell MonsterFreaks band-aides.
That reporter who did the story on the giant frog called me to say he found a woman who claims she can make clouds dissolve just by thinking about it. The paper was not interested but he thought maybe I would be (but of course!)
Brad (the leader of these Carolina crazies) told me that there's a local beach where a sea serpent is sometimes spotted. We hung around there for a day, at his condo, swilling beer and trying to convince girls to come by but nothing happened.
Why yes Mr. Barnes the Russian government does have satellite photos of many of earth's features. Yes, we do have an image available of that section of your state of Nevada. No, Mr. Barnes there are currently no laws restricting the sale of such images to a private American citizen. Could I interest Mr. Barnes in a quantity discount?
The local paper had a photo of this big ass frog this boy caught in Lake Apopka. (a nearby famously polluted lake) I summoned up my best social interaction skills and called the reporter.
Went out to Tallahassee (thats the capitol city ya know) with a bunch of my freaky little friends and helped shoot a new skate video. High styling, free flying, boogie-on-down-till-ya-puke-yer-guts kinda stuff.
Have you noticed a new look to the screens? Yes that's right, I went out and bought an HTML code book. See, that just shows you the dedication I have to making this the best site money can buy.
Hiya boys and girls and things that go bump in the night. This is the 1st entry and I'd like to welcome you to my world of the weird and strange.